I remember as a kid striving for approval from others. I wanted my dad and mom to approve of me with a smile and words of praise. I wanted my teachers to approve of my work with good grades. I wanted my friends to approve of me with invitations to activities and overnights. As I grew older, I sought approval from my wife, my children, my supervisors, my bishop, and even my dog. It is amazing how many people (and pets) we want to think well of us. All of this is ingrained in us with performance conditioning using rewards and punishments. It helps us navigate different relationships and expectations. When we are within the parameters of the person we are trying to please, we find a measure of satisfaction.
Read MoreI know you never lie – let’s just get that out of the way – but you may want to consider this blog from the perspective of a hypothetical person, ‘a friend’.
Read MoreToday there is a lot of talk about tribalism in our culture. What is tribalism? It is the idea that a person is only accepted if he or she shares one or two outward characteristics. Tribes may be created by one or more distinguishing features – race, gender, ethnicity, social class, etc. While dividing people by tribes may be helpful to speak of people in broad strokes, it has two dangerous downsides. First, tribalism simplifies people who in reality are very complex. Everyone has a distinct back story, experiences, family, education, and interests. Describing people in narrow terms is a power play to manipulate and use people. Second, tribalism creates division. It typically divides people according to outward characteristics rather than inner characteristics of shared belief, values, and goals. Tribalism pits one group against another on the basis of singular outward characteristics. It creates us/them, good/bad, righteous/evil language that only serves to make enemies of people. In the end, people are told that outward accidentals are more important than inner character.
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